Mirror to Hell
by BookwormDragon
Summary: A collection of abandoned, unbeta'd one-shots and developed plot bunnies for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Possible Spoilers for Everything. Rated for Sex, Violence, Language. Uncatagorized Crossovers.
1. Not A Valley Girl

**Not A Valley Girl**

By BookwormDragon

_**Disclaimer:**_ _Neither the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Universe nor any of the Characters in this Universe belong to me. No profit is made from this story on my part. No copyright infringement is intended.

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"No!" said Xander firmly. "Just…No. That is not me. Those sort of clothes look great on you, Buffy, but I wouldn't be comfortable in them. Besides, you know that I'm on a budget – I can't afford to pay $170 for a single outfit that I probably won't wear more than once, no matter how 'cute' it is."

"But…" Buffy protested. "It's so fashionable! Don't you want to be dressed fashionably? You're a – a girl now, Xander, you can't wear just anything anymore, you know! If you go on dressing like you did Before, all the other girls at school will make fun of you!"

"Will you make fun of me?"

"No, of course not!" Buffy sounded outraged now. "You're still my Xander-shaped friend, I wouldn't make fun of you! It's just that, well, I know how cruel the 'popular' crowd can be – heck, I used to be one of Them! If you thought that they were bad Before, wait 'til you see them now! There really is no such thing as female solidarity, Xan, at least not with the 'In' crowd. They'll cheerfully rip you to pieces if you show any weakness – and not wearing the right clothes is definitely a weakness!"

He appreciated what his friend was trying to do, he really did, but there was absolutely no way, in this life or the next, that he was going to be caught, dead _or_ alive, in such girly and revealing clothing!

When he had still had all of his manly bits, he had greatly appreciated seeing such clothes on the girls around him, but now that he was a girl himself, he had absolutely no desire to draw that kind of attention. He had already had a taste of that kind of regard in the few days since It had happened, and the way men's eyes had crawled over him – as if he was a thing, not a person – had made him feel dirty, exposed, and vulnerable. Just remembering it made him shudder. No way did he want to go through life putting up with that!

It was as if they thought that they had the right to look at him like that now, without so much as a by-your-leave, just because his manly bits were missing! Nope, no girly, frilly, revealing clothes for the Xan-man, no way, no how!

He admitted that he did need _some_ girl-things, like bras to keep his new, irritatingly well-endowed chest under control, but he drew the line at frills, lace, or – heaven forbid – cleavage, thank-you-very-much!

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**Author's Note:** This is the beginning of a genderswitch story wherein Xander does not become the stereotypical valley girl. He does not embrace frills, and lace, and nail polish. He still hates shopping. He still thinks of himself as male, and is constantly irritated when strangers treat him like the very attractive female that he is physically. He does everything he can to down-play that attractiveness. He still thinks girls are hot – he just doesn't consider himself to be one.


	2. To Protect And Serve

**To Protect And Serve**

By BookwormDragon

_**Disclaimer:**_ _Neither the Starsky & Hutch or Buffy the Vampire Slayer Universes nor any of the Characters in these Universes belong to me. No profit is made from this story on my part. No copyright infringement is intended._

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"Hutch? Hutch! What the Fuck?!" Starsky looked around, confused.

There were some sort of weird monsters running around, he was holding a AK-47, and Hutch was nowhere to be found. The last thing he remembered was falling asleep in Hutch's arms after they had vigorously celebrated their second Halloween 'Since Gunther', an event that had marked their recognition of just how much they loved each other.

But now he was somewhere else, without Hutch, surrounded by creatures that looked they would feel right at home in Hell.

What had happened? Was he Tripping? Had someone drugged their wine last night? It wouldn't be the first time, but, as far as he knew, most of their major enemies were otherwise engaged at the moment - too busy trying to wiggle out of prison to bother with them. They had no large outstanding cases, either. Why would someone be trying to get at them now?

And where was Hutch? Oh God! Hutch! What if they had drugged them with opiates? That was the last thing they needed - he wasn't sure that he was strong enough to go through that again.

"Xander?! Xander, come on, we've got to find Buffy right away! Xander! Heeelloo! Earth to Xander!"

With a start, he realized that the young – too young, she should be at home safe in bed, not selling her body to finance her next fix – streetwalker was talking to him. But why was she calling him Xander? Didn't she know who he was?

"I'm afraid you have the wrong person, miss. I'm Detective David Starsky, not Xander. Is something wrong? Is your friend missing?"

"Stop fooling around, Xander! Something really bad has happened and we need to go find Buffy!"

"I'm not fooling around, miss. I'm not this Xander person! My name is David Starsky and I'm a detective with the Bay City police department. If your friend is missing, I can help you file a report, or whatever you need. Look, you're way too young to be walking the streets like this, honey. I know some folks who can help you out: give you a hot meal and a clean bed, help you get off the streets and make a better life for yourself. They're good people, no strings, I promise."

"No, silly, you're Xander, not this Starsky person. You dressed as soldier for Halloween, remember? And did you just call me a hooker? How dare you, mister?! You had better apologize right now, or I'll tell Giles!"

Puzzled, Starsky looked down and realized that he was wearing a pair of his old fatigues. Hadn't he gotten rid of those a long time ago? And the way he was wearing them - like he was some spoiled kid dressing up in his Old Man's clothes for a lark! His old Drill Sergeant would have reamed his ass for that kind of sloppiness! He suppressed the urge to set down his gun and put the uniform on properly. He still didn't know what was going on, but now was clearly not the time for a fashion crisis.

"I don't know who Giles is, Miss, but I didn't mean to insult you. Most girls don't dress like that unless they're selling something illegal. I was worried and trying to help, no need to bite my head off!"

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Xander tossed and turned uncomfortably on his less-than-comfortable bed. Ever since Halloween, the only way he had managed to get any sleep at all was by patrolling until he was absolutely exhausted. And, really, even that didn't help for more than a few hours at a time. If things didn't even out soon, he was going to have to give in and go to Giles for some help. Well, it wasn't like he could go to anyone else, now was it?

He could just see it now:

"Yes, Ma'am. I can't sleep because I have the memories of someone else."

Yeah, that would go over real well.

The problem was, he remembered _everything_ about Starsky's life. Every. Little. Thing.

Hell, he remembered more about Starsky's life than he did about his own.

He remembered Vietnam, learning 12 different ways to kill a man with his bare hands without making a sound.

He remembered the jungle, gunfire, landmines, people dying all around him. Watching his friends die, most of them in horrific ways. Putting a bullet in the brains of one of his buddies, because he was fatally injured and it was better than leaving him to the tender (and non-existent) mercies of the 'Cong.

He remembered coming home from the war, only to be spit on and called a baby-killer.

He remembered going to the police Academy, meeting a shy, tall, beautiful blond and just _knowing_ that this man was going to change his life forever.

He remembered over ten years of working together on the streets, becoming so close that the people around them swore they were telepathic.

He remembered what it was like, watching his best friend in the world coming off a Heroin high, begging him for just one more fix, promising him the world if only he would feed his addiction.

He remembered watching the woman he loved die from a bullet in her brain, because of him.

He remembered what it felt like being shot three times in the chest at close range.

He remembered dying, and then coming back because Hutch called him. The months of painful and exhausting physical therapy he endured, only to be told that he would never be a street cop again.

He remembered it all.

But he remembered the good things, too.

Hutch's smile, the wonderful feeling of knowing that you were making a difference, the rush of chasing and catching a criminal with Hutch by his side or at his back.

And he remembered sex. Lots and lots of sex.

Now, as a healthy teenage boy, he had no particular objection to remembering lots of great sex. No sirree, sex was wonderful. But, much to his discomfort, he wasn't just remembering the many beautiful women that Starsky had been with, he was also remembering the men. And that, that was totally freak-worthy.

Worse, those memories seemed to be carrying over into his daytime life: he often found himself checking out the guys around him as casually as he did the girls.

More difficult, in a way, was the fact that his clearest memories were of his relationship with Hutch. With Hutch, it wasn't just about the great sex, although there was plenty of that. It was about their love for each other. And that love wasn't just the sort that you saw in movies, all flash and glitter and passion. No, it was in the hundreds of little things they did for and with each other every day. It was about fighting and making up. It was about compromise and tolerating each other's faults. It was real and flawed and strong and _there._ Me 'n' Thee. Xander wanted that for himself so much that it hurt.

Part of him kept expecting Hutch to be there, just where his Starsky-memories insisted that he should be. He kept turning around to share something with Hutch, only to be shocked all over again when Hutch wasn't there. It was driving him insane.

And he felt so different now, as well. His entire perspective had changed, suddenly he was planning ahead, considering the consequences of his actions, thinking of the future. Things that were once so important to him suddenly seemed so meaningless. Who cared about who was dating who, or who wore what clothes, or, well, pretty much anything that seemed to fill the lives of his classmates?

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**Author's Note: **This is a direct result of my crossover obsession. Seriously, what would it really be like to have the memories of a man almost three times your age? Someone with strong emotional ties and a strong will?

Yes, I know that opiates and addiction are actually much more complicated then Starsky was hinting at. But people have a lot of misconceptions about this, and Starsky is no different.

As for how Starsky treats Willow: her under-sheet costume was extremely scanty and, given the context, it's quite reasonable for him to assume that she's a prostitute. But Starsky is very familiar with prostitutes, and spends a lot of time with them in the course of his job: he knows they're just people like everyone else, and he usually treats them with respect.

This is as far as I've gotten with this, and there probably won't be anymore. Sorry.


	3. Alexander Harris Eppes

**Xander Harris Eppes**

By BookwormDragon

_**Disclaimer:**_ _Neither the Numb3rs or Buffy the Vampire Slayer Universes nor any of the Characters in these Universes belong to me. No profit is made from this story on my part. No copyright infringement is intended.

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When Alan opened the Official-looking notice, he never expected what he read. His son found him when he came home for dinner, still sitting at the table, staring at the papers.

"Dad? Is something wrong?" Don was worried, normally his Dad would be finishing up dinner, but the Kitchen was dark and there were no food smells.

"I - I got this notice in the mail today."

"Oh yeah? What's it about?"

"You know my youngest sister, your Aunt Rachel?"

"Yeah, yeah, the Black Sheep of the Eppes Family! Whenever her name is mentioned everyone gets all quiet and changes the subject. What about her?"

"She died."

"Oh man, Dad, I'm so sorry! What happened?"

"Something about gangs on PCP and accidents with Barbecue forks. Apparently, she's been living just down the road all these years and we never knew! Anyway, she and her husband left me something."

"They both died? Gangs with Barbecue Forks? That makes no sense at all! When's the Service?"

"It's already happened. Last week, apparently. But she mentioned me specifically in her Will, which is strange, because we never did get on all that well."

"Oh yeah, what did she leave you?"

"Her son, Alexander Lavelle Harris."

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**Author's Note: **Crossovers own my soul! Can't you just see a 16 or 17 year old Xander living with the Eppes?! He's got all these weird, superstitious beliefs, and is weirdly independent for a teenager. Plus, he has this unsophisticated but absolutely vicious fighting style, and doesn't seem to understand the concept of pulling his punches. And, to top it all off, he's absolutely fearless. He just doesn't seem to understand that humans can be a threat to him. It never even occurs to him. And he's paranoid and a trouble-magnet. Poor Don.


	4. Alexander Greenleaf

**Alexander Greenleaf  
By BookwormDragon**

_**Disclaimer:**_ _Neither the _Lord of the Rings_ or _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ Universes nor any of the Characters in these Universes belong to me. No profit is made from this story on my part. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Xander looked around the costume shop in disappointment. He had planned to go as a Soldier for Halloween, but by the time that Willow and Buffy had finished fussing over their own costumes and turned their attention to him, every single toy gun in the store had been sold. He had almost decided to give up on finding a cool costume that he could afford and go as a Ghost (he was pretty sure that Willow was planning to do the same) when _It_ had caught his eye.

_It_ was a cheap Lord of the Rings costume package which included a plastic Bow and Arrow set with a fake-leather Quiver with three arrows in it, a leaf-shaped plastic cloak-pin, a tunic, leggings and cloak outfit, a blond wig, and a pair of fake pointed ears. The best part, though, was the 95% off sticker on the rather beat-up box. Thanks to that sticker, the entire boxed set would only cost him $2. Unfortunately, the clothing part of the costume was sized for a ten-to-twelve year old, so he was pretty sure that it wouldn't fit him. Still, the accessories were worth the $2, and he could easily put together the rest of the costume with some clothes from the Thrift Store. Grabbing the box, he headed toward the counter to pay.

When Xander reached the head of the line and put his choice on the counter, the shopkeeper raised an eyebrow, "Choosing a costume for your younger brother?"

"No sir. It's for me, actually. I'm going to stop by the Thrift Store on the way home and pick up some clothes for the rest of the costume," Xander explained, a bit embarrassed.

"Ah. Shopping on a Budget, then?"

"Yes, sir."

"Wonderful! It's always so nice to see young people using their imaginations these days. But there's no need for you to stop by the Thrift Store, my boy. My back room is full of mismatched costume pieces that got separated from their sets during the shipping process. You're more than welcome to go through the boxes and choose anything you like, $1 per item. Just go on through that door over there, and look through any open boxes you find."

"Wow, thanks sir, I really appreciate it!"

It took Xander nearly an hour to gather together the various pieces of his costume, but he was quite pleased by the time he was finished. He had found a pair of pants made from coarse dark brown fabric, a billowy white poet's blouse that would work as a shirt, and a dark green faux-leather tunic thingy that looked great when he cinched it shut with a leather belt. A long cloak of dark green finished off the look, and he uncovered a wig with long blond hair as the finishing touch.

Sorting through the various boxes had been fun – more than once he had been tempted to change his mind about his costume when he had found an especially cool item.

The storeroom was a little cramped though, and as he was backing away from a box of various pants, he had tripped and fell, cutting his hand on a sharp bit of metal. Thankfully, the cut was barely deep enough to draw blood, so he had just wiped the blood off on his jeans and returned to his search one-handed. He never even noticed the smear of blood that he left behind on the base of that freaky white statue-thing.

When he had finally left the shop, he felt pleasantly smug and satisfied with his choices. He had ended up spending a little more than he had originally planned, but his costume was totally awesome – much cooler than a boring old Soldier.

It took a bit of effort to get the whole costume put on correctly that evening. The cloak and cloak-pin had been especially difficult: he had pricked his fingers with the pin hard enough to draw blood several times before he had finally managed to get the cloak fastened properly around his shoulders. Applying the pointy ear pieces had been interesting as well – stupid adhesive – but he had eventually managed to get everything arranged the way it should be, and with one final glance in the mirror, he headed out.

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_Sometime After Halloween…_

Alexander dosed lazily in the patch of sun, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb back and forth over the cool finish of his heavy, leaf-shaped, metal cloak-pin, letting his mind wander back over the events that had brought him here – deep in the wild, untamed forests of Northern Canada.

It had taken the Scoobies a few days, but they had eventually managed to piece together at least part of what had happened to Xander. When Ethan's curse had activated, Xander had been changed into his costume just like everyone else. He had become Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood, and the last known surviving member of the Fellowship.

When the spell had ended later that night, everyone affected by it was returned to normal.

Everyone except Xander, that is. For some unknown reason, instead of returning Xander to his normal condition, the spell had instead reshaped his body to what it would have been if he had been born an Elf of Middle Earth. It had also left him with all of Legolas' memories, which were as clear to him as Xander Harris' memories – clearer than, sometimes.

Xander now had the physically beautiful body of an Elf, with delicately pointed ears, high cheekbones, clear porcelain skin, and uncanny grace. He also had heightened senses and strength – he was roughly twice as strong as a normal human, and his senses were much more acute, although not on par with a Vampire's. He couldn't hear people's heartbeats like Angel could, for example. Along with the physical enhancements, he had also gained a sixth sense, which, according to Legolas' memories, was perfectly natural for Elves – he could now sense the natural energy or 'magic' of the Earth. And it was this sixth sense that would lead to further problems for him in the following weeks.

The first few weeks after Halloween had certainly been interesting for Xander. For one thing, he would often finish saying something to one of his friends or classmates, only to discover that they hadn't understood a word he said because he had been speaking in Sindarian or the Common Tongue, not in English. It had been rather embarrassing, actually. He hadn't thought that his social status could get any lower, but he had quickly been proven wrong.

Once it had become clear that no spell or ritual which Giles could find would be able to reverse the changes, especially since they didn't know why they had occurred in the first place, the Watcher had presented Xander with an amulet that powered a small glamour to hide his more unusual additions – such as his pointed ears. Apparently, such amulets were quite common among the more peaceful and human-like demon communities, allowing them to blend in with the humans around them. While well-intended, the gift wasn't as great as you might think – it had totally ruined his iron-clad get-out-of-school-free alibi.

Besides his new tendency to speak Sindarian at the drop of a hat, Xander had also suffered from the more unpleasant side effects of his new ability to sense magic.

Normally, the ability to sense magic would be considered a good thing, but since he lived on the Mouth of Hell, there were some things that he would really have preferred to remain blissfully ignorant about – such as the fact that his hometown was the magical equivalent of a sewer, and that, from a magical viewpoint, every breath he took, every bite he ate, was the magical equivalent of consuming raw sewage!

Add to that the fact that he was now an inherently magical being, tied to the Earth and drawing much more directly on Her power than most humans do, and it's no surprise that the very acts required to sustain his life were suddenly so disgusting to him that he really couldn't find adequate words to express just how gross it really was. Ick. Just – Ick. Even thinking about it tended to trigger his gag reflex.

Eventually, it had gotten so bad that he had been in real danger of starving to death. The pollution, both magical and physical – but especially magical – had made him quite sick. Constant nausea, headaches, lack of appetite, vomiting, diarrhea. He had been weak and miserable. Even drinking the water was too much for him: the chemicals, the pollutants, everything.

It had been Willow who had first suggested leaving the Hellmouth. She had theorized that, away from the overwhelming symptoms his sudden allergy to its dark power had caused, perhaps his immune system would be able to slowly adapt to demands of the modern world. After all, his new body hadn't had the time to slowly build up immunity to the things which his old body had managed with ease. Dropping the body of an Elf into the modern world was like taking someone raised in a surgically sterile environment and shoving them out onto the streets of New York City.

And so Xander had left Sunnydale. Unable to leave the Hellmouth unguarded, Giles had instead tapped into a vast network of magic users, healers, and neutral demons to help move him further and further north. Willow had accompanied him for a while, but even her parents would have noticed her absence eventually. By the time he parted ways with his childhood friend, he was feeling much better, although still not as healthy as he knew he should have been.

The further away he was from human activities and the pollution that followed, the better he had felt. The more pure and unprocessed his food was, the easier it had been to eat. In the end, his body's demands had driven him deep into the untamed depths of the Canadian forests.

His only remaining link to the outside world was the cellphone that Willow had given him. No matter where he went, it always had a signal and a charged battery, thanks to the enchantments layered over it. It may have been a gift from Willow – and through her, the rest of the Scoobies – but it wasn't her work. He knew what her magic felt like by now, and the only spell she had cast on it was a mild good luck charm. The rest of the carefully layered spells had been cast by others, some with power, and some with skill. The cost of such a thing must have been enormous, and he was touched by what the gift implied. Every night, without fail, one of his friends would call and keep him updated on their lives and health. Other than that, he had had no human contact for over a year.

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**Author's Note: **This was something I started a couple of years ago, and I've pretty much lost patience with it. The overall plot outline is still there, but I just don't have the patience to really flesh it out properly.

The basic plan: slowly, after some wilderness-time, Alexander acclimates to the modern world, learns to control his magic-sensing abilities, and integrates Legolas' knowledge and memories into his own personality. Finally, he returns to the greater world. Adventures ensue.

But I can't seem to get any further than this, so I hope you enjoy what I've written so far. If you wish to continue this story, feel free to do so, but please drop me a note and let me know.


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